


I'll Be Yr Bird (Remix under the Dirt)

by sophinisba



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Angst, Brain Injury, Gen, Hurt, M/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-03
Updated: 2011-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-14 09:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/147768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophinisba/pseuds/sophinisba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's supposed to have a friend, a boy his age who would shove him and tease him instead of babying him. It's not supposed to be like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Yr Bird (Remix under the Dirt)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I'll Be Yr Bird](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/2162) by pepperlandgirl4. 



> This was started as a pinch hit for [Camelot Remix 2010](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/CamelotRemix) but in the end wasn't needed, so I took a few extra months to finish it.

He hurts. There's a pounding, heavy and brutal behind his eyes, and the back of his head wants to split open. Maybe it already has. He's thirsty, has to piss, doesn't want to move.

Then there's a gentle hand in his hand, and a sweet familiar voice singing to him. He doesn't know when, but he's heard that tune before.

When he opens his eyes there's a woman sitting with him, saying, "Oh, my sweet, precious child. My Merlin."

He hates this place already, but it must be home. He makes himself smile for her, and she bursts into tears.

#

He sleeps a lot. There's an old man with white hair who looks even sadder than the woman whenever Merlin looks at him or says a word. He looks lost and defeated, and like a man unused to being lost. Merlin shouts with pain when they touch his head, but usually it's so they can pour medicine down his throat, so he learns to keep still for it. The stuff tastes vile but it helps him sleep, and that's better than being awake when it hurts this much, and when people can only look at him with pity and disgust.

#

He wakes up again and the pounding in his head is duller, and the faces are harder. They are strong, practical, as they help him sit up and hold him through the dizzy spell that almost makes him pass out again. The old man helps him unlace his britches so he can piss with only a little help from his mum.

"This will get easier with practice," the man says.

 _I don't want to get used to this,_ Merlin thinks, but the woman is nodding before he can get the words out. They were talking over him, not to him.

#

The man leaves. Merlin's head hurts less but his all-over hurts more. His mother pulls a shawl around herself, shivering, so he sends a ball of warmth her way. She gasps, jerks, and then settles herself.

"You're so kind to your mother, Merlin. You've always taken care of me, and I'm grateful. But there are things you mustn't do."

"What things?"

"You must keep your magic secret, as you've always done."

"I don't remember."

"That's all right, you don't have to remember what happened before. Just… be careful. And give me a hug. That's how you can keep me warm."

#

He gets along better once he's got a set of chores for every day. He gets dressed. He feeds the chickens. He digs up onions or potatoes, cuts them with a dull knife. He learns to tend the fire in a way his mother approves, though sometimes he plays at making shapes with it when she's not looking.

He's not allowed to do things the easy way, and everything takes so long that he forgets what he's doing before he's finished. It makes him angry.

He watches a bird fly overhead and feels there's somewhere else he ought to be.

#

"Leave Ealdor? Merlin, you'd break my heart! Let's just go for a walk together instead. Maybe that will help you feel better."

Everything's the same, everything's boring, and then someone's grabbing him from behind. And Merlin has to be fast, has to protect her, and he pushes back and shoves the attacker into the dirt.

Everyone screams and stares at Merlin, like he's the one who's done wrong. Someone helps the little boy stand up.

"The people in Ealdor will keep it to themselves," his mother says later, at home. "But it's dangerous with strangers. You _must_ be more careful."

#

Merlin stays in the house or in the back garden, behind the fence, but people still see him.

"If only Will were still here," says his mother's friend.

Merlin isn't sure why that makes him so sad. But that's the way it is here. It smells like shit and people look at him funny and say things without explaining them.

He's not normal. Then again, maybe he never was.

Still, he thinks, he's supposed to have a friend, a boy his age who would shove him and tease him instead of babying him. It's not supposed to be like this.

#

The potatoes are there on the ground. He doesn't have to dig them up. He's got a knife. Some of the potatoes are naked. Right, he's supposed to take off the skin. It's hard to get the knife in place right.

Merlin hears clanking metal and tenses, but when he looks up his mother's smiling at him, and she says this boy is a friend, so Merlin lets him sit down.

The boy doesn't tease him. He answers Merlin's questions. He knows what to do with the knife and the potatoes. He touches Merlin without permission, but then he stops.

#

It's scary being touched by someone who isn't his mother, a stranger wearing armour, carrying a knife and a sword. It's exciting too. Merlin wants to touch him again. His prick is warm and his magic is humming, but he's not supposed to talk about magic.

"You're very beautiful," Merlin tells him.

"Thank you."

"Do you want to mate?"

The boy looks confused, and that makes Merlin like him even better. He points at the chickens and explains.

The boy says they're just friends, and Merlin thinks maybe that's even better. He hopes his friend will stay a long time.

#

He isn't staying, but he says he'll come back. He lets Merlin hug him, and then he hugs him back. He's warm and strong and feels right in Merlin's arms, but when they let go his face is pained, and Merlin remembers there's nothing right about him.

"I'll be back," the boy says again as he gets on his horse.

"I'll be here."

The sun's still dawning and the village is asleep, so Merlin can follow him without worrying about who's watching.

He's not tired, but he won't leave and break his mother's heart. He waves goodbye. He'll be here.


End file.
